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Dragon Ball: The Path to Ultimate Strength

Our story begins at Mt. Poazu, a place far, far away from civilization. Our hero, Son Goku, successfully fishes up his lunch (by kicking a giant talking fish in the face), and carries it down the dirt road back to his small home. Everything in his life, and the fate of the very world, changes that day. Bulma Brief, a teenage girl searching for the mystical Dragon Balls, nearly runs Goku over in her car. So Goku - logically deducing that she and her vehicle are monsters - destroys the car and challenges Bulma to a fight. Alarmed, Bulma takes out a small firearm and shoots him in the face. This annoys Goku greatly.

 "You seem different than me somehow... You seem softer and weaker..." Says a perplexed Goku, after Bulma insists she's actually a human, not a goblin.
"Well of course, you are a boy. And I'm just a frail little girl!"
"A girl? You're a girl?"
"What a hick you are! Don't tell me you've never seen a girl before?"

Goku's grandpa, Son Gohan, always told him to be nice to girls. With that in mind, he takes Bulma back to his house to share his lunch with her. (As we all know, girls just wanna have lunch.) But first...

 "A tail...! You have a tail!"
 "My tail surprised you? You don't have one?"
 "Boys do."
"Boys have tails? Is that right? I've never seen a boy's naked rear, but I didn't think they had tails."

Back at Goku's house, Bulma is stunned to see that the Dragon Ball she had been tracking on her Dragon Radar belongs to Goku! (Son Gohan's keepsake.) She shows him her two Dragon Balls, and over lunch explains the legend to Goku; When all seven Dragon Balls are gathered, Shen Long appears to grant the summoner a single wish. Bulma hopes to gather each of them and wish herself a nice boyfriend. To do so, she needs Goku's... but Goku won't give up his 4-Star Ball so easily.

 "Okay, I get it! I know just what you want!"
 "How about this? You can have a quick feel if you want."
"I don't want to touch your dirty butt."

Bulma convinces Goku to help her find the Dragon Balls, instead. Goku likes the idea of potential training, so he agrees under the condition that he gets to hold onto his grandpa's ball. Bulma introduces herself to him (and he laughs in her face) and together they set out on an adventure!

Goku isn't fond of Bulma's newfangled tech-no-logy.

 But elsewhere...
 Dark forces seek the Dragon Balls for their own machinations.

As our heroes ride through the desert, they're being watched.

Goku and Bulma ride into Oolong, the shapeshifting monster, and he demands Bulma from Goku. But despite his intimidating series of transformations, Goku isn't impressed.

 "Don't tell me you're actually really weak."
"You fool! Everyone knows I'm the strongest in the entire world!"

But the real Oolong is revealed before he can run away from Goku.
Oolong wanted to kidnap Bulma so he could use her boobs to do some pafu pafu. Little did he know he was dealing with the Ultimate Rape Whistle himself, Son Goku.

But before Goku and Bulma can decide what to do with Oolong, the three are nearly blown to pieces by an RPG. The rocket wielding bandits introduce themselves, demanding their Hoi Poi Capsules and money.

 Yamcha, the desert bandit.
And Puar, his right-hand-man.

Goku isn't scared of Yamcha, however, so he refuses to cooperate. Yamcha promises him a trip to heaven in return...


Yamcha hammers Goku repeatedly with his signature technique, leaving our hero completely defenseless. He finishes his flurry by sending Goku flying... then turns his attention to Oolong! But Goku bounces back quickly, wielding Nyoibo, ready to make his counterattack...!! Smirking, Yamcha prepares for another round of Rogafufuken...

Until he sees Bulma.

Unable to keep his cool around girls, Yamcha and Puar make a temporary retreat. But they vow to return for their Capsules and cash! 

Bulma uses her sexuality to convince Oolong to travel with them, and with their team assembled, they find the next Dragon Ball.

Four down, three to go.

Our heroes journey toward the next Dragon Ball, riding over snow capped hillsides. Goku enjoys the fluffy white precipitation immensely. Then it begins raining bullets...

 Red Ribbon Army base, Muscle Tower.

Cue the music for old time's sake.

General White comes over the Muscle Tower loudspeaker, demanding Bulma hand over their Dragon Balls. Oolong and Bulma nearly crap themselves, realizing that it's that Red Ribbon Army - the most vile organization in the world! So Bulma shouts for Goku to beat them up!!

But first he has to tear himself from his snowman building.

Wielding his grandpa's Nyoibo, Goku makes quick work of the Red Ribbon soldiers and their mechs. After defeating the guards, Goku runs into the tower itself. According to the Dragon Radar, there's a Dragon Ball in there!

 But first, Goku must get past Sgt. Metallic.
"Jan-ken, Rock!"
In one attack, Goku knocks the robotic officer's head clean off.

Meanwhile, Yamcha and Puar try to escape from the cold.
They bear-ly get out alive.

With no other choice to deal with Son Goku, General White is forced to unleash the Red Ribbon Army's ultimate weapon.

 Artificial Human #8
 Try as Goku might, #8 is too powerful for him to contend with.
 General White cheers as #8 squeezes the life out of Son Goku.
Then, #8 stops.
"No more." He says.
 "What are you doing?! Finish him off now!" White bellows.
"Killing living things is bad. I hate bad things."

Furiously, General White begins to kick #8's shins, commanding him to squash Goku. But it is clear that Artificial Human #8, built by the Red Ribbon Army, has become self aware... and will no longer take White's orders. With nothing else for it, White gloats that #8 has a bomb placed inside his body... if he won't listen, he'll blast him to smithereens

But still... #8 refuses.

 Instead, he prepares to die.

Son Goku intervenes, knocking #8 detonator out of White's hand, taking out the Red Ribbon General in the process. The detonator destroyed, Goku looks up at the gentle giant and smiles. Surprised, #8 grins back. The two tie up General White and his soldiers outside, and Goku brings the Dragon Ball back to Bulma and Oolong. #8 thanks Goku for saving him, revealing that he hates fighting. He asks Goku his name, and then Goku asks his.

"I'm Son Goku. What about you?"
"I have no name. I was referred to as Artificial Human #8."
"Hm. Something-or-other #8... that's complicated. It's a pain to say, so I'll just call you Hachan!"

Hachan decides to stay behind at Muscle Tower and make sure the Red Ribbon soldiers are taken to the proper authorities. But as they part ways, the two boys have a snowball fight. Then it's back on the road again for our heroes, where they meet their next friend...


Umigame has lost his way from the ocean, wandering the desert for a whole year. Goku, to Bulma's reluctance, wants to help him back to the ocean. They do so, and Umigame promises them a present in return for his safety. They need only wait til morning for him to bring it. (Oolong begins to imagine making love to a mermaid princess.)

Meanwhile, Commander Red and his assistant, Black, discuss the fall of Muscle Tower.

At dawn, Goku learns an important difference in male and female anatomy.

Kame Sen'nin, Son Gohan's martial arts master, returns the next morning with Umigame to give Goku his present. Initially, he calls for the Immortal Phoenix, so that he can grant them each eternal life... but the Phoenix died from food poisoning. So instead he calls his magic cloud, Kinto Un! Impure hearts cannot ride upon the Kinto Un, so Kame Sen'nin himself, Bulma, and Oolong are each out of the question. But as for Son Goku...

Kinto Un takes to him instantly!

Bulma notices Kame Sen'nin has a Dragon Ball hung around his neck, so she asks if she can have it, giving them six total!! Goku lands and explains why they're looking for them; so that they can make a wish.

Listening in, Yamcha decides to get the Balls for himself.

Kame Sen'nin agrees to give the Dragon Ball to Bulma, but on one condition; he gets to see her panties. She isn't keen on the idea, but decides it is for the best. And unknown to her, Goku took her panties off that morning.

Is it just me, or is it a bit drafty on this beach?

With only a single Dragon Ball left to find, Bulma skips off to change out of her nightgown... She returns in a fury, ready to murder whoever took off her panties!! But the Red Ribbon Army might beat her to it...!

 The Red Ribbon Navy.

Led by the ambiguous General Blue, the RR Navy storms the beach where our heroes have their six Dragon Balls. Goku reminds Kame Sen'nin that, as Gohan's master, he could be able to beat those guys up with no problem. Bulma doubts that.

"I'm sexy, don't you think?"
 "Ka... me..."
 "...ha... me..."

Unleashing all his latent ki in a single powerful attack, Kame Sen'nin legendary Kamehameha decimates the Red Ribbon Navy. But General Blue, showing off his resourcefulness (and unkillability), raises back up to the surface with a fleet of submarines!! The Kamehameha takes a lot out of its user, so Kame Sen'nin's ki has been sucked dry!

 Luckily, Son Goku is a quick study!

Goku fires his own Kamehameha, having paid close attention to the turtle master's use of the technique. It rips through the submarines like a knife through butter!! As the dust clears, his friends congratulate him on a job well done.

 Then a rogue missile smacks him in the dome, knocking him out.
Just in time for the Red Ribbon Airforce to arrive.

As General Blue rises from the ocean, furious at the destruction of his fleet, his men demand their Dragon Balls. That's when Yamcha makes to intervene...

 But Bulma excitedly, and accidentally, gives him away.
 General Blue cleans Yamcha's clock.
And knocks some teeth out in the process.

(For those playing at home, take a shot.)

The Red Ribbon Army captures Bulma, Oolong, Kame Sen'nin, Umigame, Yamcha, and Puar, and in turn they gain all their Dragon Balls. But having been hit with a missile, half buried in sand, with the Dragon Radar close to him and his grandfather's keepsake strapped to his belt... Son Goku awakens on the beach. And he immediately knows what he must do.

General Blue returns to Red Ribbon HQ with the Dragon Balls. He is thanked for his diligence by execution - having missed the seventh Dragon Ball right under his nose. Elsewhere in the RRHQ, Oolong attempts to transform into a key so that they may escape their captors. But unknown to these forces is the power that is preparing to storm their Headquarters... with nothing but a magic cloud and extending bo-staff...

 Son Goku races into the the Red Ribbon HQ's outskirts, defeating Colonel Violet and her airtroopers along the way. A mighty Kamehameha slices through their ranks.
 Once inside, Goku annihilates the ground troops and their defenses.

When Bulma and the others escape their prison, they're surprised to see that the RRHQ has been utterly decimated! 

Only Son Goku remains.

They see Commander Red and Black race toward their escape hangar, the other six Dragon Balls clutched in Red's hands. As they prepare to escape, Red lets slip his true purpose for gathering the Dragon Balls... he wishes to grow taller.

Driven mad by this confession, Black kills him.

As the only remaining member of the Red Ribbon Army, the insanity-stricken Black takes to the field to remove Son Goku once and for all. To do so, he rides the Battle Jacket.

The Battle Jacket's weapons and armor are too much for Goku to contend with - even the Kamehameha does nothing against it. Black offers Goku a place within his new Black Ribbon Army, but Goku turns him down. Cackling wildly, Black smashes Goku onto the rubble of the RRHQ below, and begins firing an onslaught of missiles at our young hero! Black prepares to finish Goku with a near point-blank assault from the Battle Jacket's powerful stomach beam. But before he can, a single voice rings throughout the former Red Ribbon HQ. "STOP HURTING GOKU!"

 Hachan to the rescue.
 "Goku! Wake up! Goku!"
Despite taking damage from the backfiring beam, Black's Battle Jacket rises again, slowly moving toward Hachan and Goku.
"Hachan will make the one who hurt Goku pay!"

Hachan and Black struggle - Hachan's small Artificial Human's body seemingly equal to that of the massive Battle Jacket. But Black's Battle Jacket proves to be simply to powerful for Hachan, in the end...

Broken, Artificial Human #8 falls to the ground.
Son Goku wakes up from the sound of Hachan's fall.

"Goku. Are you all right?"
 "That is good..."
Hachan's mechanical heart stops beating, as he smiles at his friend.
Goku begins to sob uncontrollably at the loss of his friend. Power emanates from his entire being, his fury building and evolving his strength. Black watches in stunned silence, then begins to taunt him.
"So he finally kicked the bucket! But being able to hold out for that long was impressive, indeed! For a worthless failure of a monster!"
"Hachan... is not a worthless failure!!" Goku bellows.
"The worthless... failure... of a monster... is you!!!"
 Summoning his fury, Goku launches an incredible Kamehameha!
 And Black and his Battle Jacket are defeated, utterly.

Bulma and the others gather the Dragon Balls, summoning Shen Long at long last. Bulma and Yamcha both consider making their wishes, but catch each others eyes and think better of it.

Goku steps forward, with Hachan's body in his arms, requesting the Shen Long turn Hachan back to the way he was - but without the bomb inside of him. Shen Long grants his wish.

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